I heard about a condition recently called “text neck”. Recognized as a growing problem, doctors and chiropractors say people hunched over their mobile gadgets are developing neck strain, headaches, pain in the shoulders, and sometimes even the arms and hands. As ridiculous as it sounds, text neck is not a new condition, but it is getting a lot more attention than it used to because so many people are suffering from it. Doctors used to call it forward head posture, but because of the increased incidence, text neck is what it is commonly referred to.

I am one of the millions of people today that frequently hunch over a mobile gadget, and until recently, I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. I have an iPhone that’s in my hand or pocket practically all the time. An iPad where I download apps and books by the gig. I also have a laptop that I use all the time on my lap. I get text messages, tweets, and news updates regularly, and my little phone beeps, chimes, and lights up all hours of the day and night.

Just recently, I started noticing that neck is hurting, a LOT, and my head is hanging a little lower by default, even when I don’t have an iSomething in my hands or on my lap. You guessed it, I have text neck.

In addition to calling a chiropractor and massage therapist and scheduling appointments, I took a very hard look at the cause…my beloved iSomethings. It doesn’t matter how many times I go see the chiropractor and the massage therapist, if I don’t do something about the underlying cause, text neck could very easily become my new thing.

Going outside to enjoy the beautiful winter weather we’ve been having doesn’t count if I have an iSomething in my hands. Taking a walk doesn’t count if I’m answering text messages on the greenways trail. And it’s hard to enjoy the sunset on my drive home if I am answering messages or checking the weather on my phone at stoplights (no I don’t text and drive).

I need to hold my head high, and once again, look life in the eye.

While constant connectivity can be a blessing, it can also be a curse. Personally I know that I have missed a lot of things that used to make me smile. Birds  – you know, the real ones that fly around – used to hold my attention, but now I default to tweets. A coffee date or phone call with a friend used to help keep me up to speed on their lives, and now it has been replaced with text messaging and Facebook updates. And I know I’m not alone. Walk into any restaurant in any city and you will see tables filled with people not talking to each other, but totally engrossed in conversations on their smartphones.

There has to be a balance.

My son recently had his iPhone stolen, and get this, he doesn’t miss it! At all! He’s 21 years old, and doesn’t miss it! He has a phone, very, very basic phone, that makes and receives calls, and he can text to a point. He leaves home without his phone all the time too. Gary, does that too, leaves home without his iPhone all the time. He takes walks with nothing to entertain him but the view and the breeze, and enjoys it! They inspire me. They take the time to enjoy life, and look it right in the eye.

That being said, I’m not going to go all crazy, pitch my iSomethings, and go back to snail mail and a land line, because I really, really LIKE connectivity, and am the biggest girl geek ever when it comes to technology. But I get it, I need to focus on life too. I didn’t become a gadget-a-holic overnight, and I’m not going to be able to be all disconnected overnight either. I’m just going to make a series of slow, methodical changes to get back into life.

I’ve turned the push notifications off on my phone, which has cut the little beeps, chimes, and lights down to practically nothing. I’ve disabled professional emails from my phone too, if it’s business, I’ll answer it from my desk. And the last friend that sent me a text, I called back instead of texting and set a lunch date. Baby steps.

Every little change will make it easier to hold my head high, look life in the eye, and make the most of what’s happening in the actual world.

How’s your balance?

For the past couple of weeks I have been busy helping a friend, sort, pitch, pack, and donate. She’s getting ready to make a cross-country move and after a few years in her current home, she’s done what we’ve all done – accumulated too much stuff. Gary and I came to the same realization a few years ago while we were getting ready to move to a smaller place – too much stuff, and we too spent our time sorting, pitching, packing, and donating.

She’s done it, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it, accumulated too much stuff. Whether it’s stuff that has been passed down to us through our families, gifts, cards, or keepsakes, or notes, and special mementos from our kids, we box it up and move it with us time and time again. And that’s not to mention the stuff WE add into the mix -books (my own personal weakness) furniture, dishes, appliances, you name it, we are a society that very closely identifies with our stuff.

The question is, at what cost. What does it mean to be surrounded by too much stuff? I mean, some stuff is fine, we all have stuff, but what about when it’s too much?

For many, myself included, there’s a sense of emotional attachment felt for possessions, which with a few items here and there it’s no big deal, but as with anything, it could easily grow to be too much. Photos and a small token from a trip is one thing, but every single ticket stub, plane ticket, hotel room keys and “mementos” of every trip you’ve ever taken, could be too much. The dress your daughter wore home from the hospital or the blanket that her grandmother quilted for her is one thing, her entire wardrobe from the first year of her life, too much. You get the picture. A few things here and a few things there can take you back to a particular time and place that held importance, and that’s the priceless kind of stuff.

And then there are other people’s things. If you are insistent on keeping every single dish from your grandmother AND your mother’s kitchen, not to mention your own, chances are, it’s too much. For example, I used to know a woman who had an absolutely BEAUTIFUL home but it was cluttered to the max. Not in a hoarder sort of way, everything was organized and visible, it was just too much. It was all beautiful, expensive stuff, but it was decades of her own shopping and collecting, and every single knickknack and piece of art that had been passed on to her from numerous relatives. It made me a nervous wreck, it was all just too much.

While there are books on simplifying your life, or workshops to clear the clutter, at the end of the day we all have our own point where we reach “too much.” So how to decide? How to know what to keep and what to pitch?

It’s simple.

A few years ago I attended a workshop and heard the phrase, “If it does not serve a purpose and it does not bring you joy, let it go.”

That’s right, if it does not serve a purpose and it does not bring you joy, let it go. I can go into my kitchen and meet that criteria with every single item in there. My food processor – serves a multitude of purposes, my grandmother’s kitchen cabinet, brings me joy. My teapot, serves a purpose, the cup my son bought me for my birthday last year, brings me joy. Walk into the next room, and the next room, and repeat the process and you will be AMAZED with the amount of stuff that you can get rid of. And it’s EASY!

Inspired by helping my friend, I realized that I’m guilty of too much stuff right now, and really haven’t gotten rid of much in the past couple of years. I came home one night, went upstairs and spent two hours going through my closets and drawers, getting rid of clothes that don’t fit, or I simply don’t wear anymore. I also went to the closet on the landing, the closet that holds all of my keepsake “stuff”. That closet also happens to be the place where I put even more stuff that I don’t know what to do with. The stuff I can’t ask the “serve a purpose or bring me joy” question, and put into the closet until another time.

I got rid of STUFF. A lot of STUFF!!!! I mean, do I really need plane ticket stubs? All of them? NO! Do I need the real estate appraisal/inspection on the house I sold 12 years ago? NO! Do I need bank statements from the 1990’s? A box of business cards for the job I held 10 years ago? No! Do I need the research notes from a column I wrote in 2003? Or 15 copies of the magazine that published my first article? No! I went through that closet and I let stuff go!

And guess what? I feel lighter, because I’m no longer bogged down by that closet full of stuff.

And that’s exactly what will happen. If you can go through your stuff and ask yourself, if it serves a purpose or brings you joy, and if you can follow through and let go of excess stuff something miraculous will happen. You will be clearing space in your life for new experiences.

Doubt me? Why don’t you go through one room in your house and let me know what happens!

This weekend was our anniversary. Eight years together, three years married. It was a time to celebrate, a time to reflect, and a time to connect. It’s the connect thing that has me thinking. And no, I’m not talking connect – connect, I’m talking about paying attention, being in the moment, truly being present for the conversation, the meal, the walk in the park. Both of us turned off our cell phones, turned off the TV, and tuned in to the life we have build around us.

It’s something we used to do, in the early days, every single opportunity we had. But guess what – we got comfortable, we got into a routine, and we got busy. He has his clients, appointments, and schedules to keep, and I’ve got mine. And while we live and work in the same house, and see clients out of the same office, you would be amazed at how easy it is to truly focus on each other.

I know that we are not alone. There are couples all around us dividing their time and attention between their work, their kids, their aging parents, and other assorted responsibilities. They too are grateful for the life, but deep down a little sad about the loss of connection with their partner, or the loss of quality time with their child.

And if schedules/work/life aren’t disruptive enough, now we have gadgets too. Gary and I wake up every morning and sit on the couch with our coffee engrossed in the New York Times on our iPads. Together, yes. Connected, not by a long shot. He’s reading his sections, I’m reading mine, we might talk for a second over a headline or interesting tidbit, but for the most part we are both propping ourselves up to work another day, and tuning as far out of the present moment as possible. We start the day physically on the same couch, but mentally, miles and miles apart.

After this past weekend though, I have realized there are parts of my life, I’m just missing. And I’m not willing to miss them any more. So effective immediately, I will no longer primarily talk to my kids when I’m in the car (have I mentioned that I multi-task freakishly well) driving from one appointment to another. I will actually sit down and focus on our conversations, make more time to invite them over for dinner or ask them to a movie.

I also intend, starting immediately to NOT start my day, at least on the weekends (you’ve got to start somewhere, right?), with coffee and my iPad. Nope. I’m going to wake up, turn on some music, start my coffee AND have a conversation with Gary. What a concept.

In addition, starting immediately, I will guard my weekends even closer, and my evenings too, from the allure of work. Yes, I’m a workaholic, I admit it, and when the projects come, I have a hard time saying no, I don’t work on the weekends. I take it, do it, and get angry with the burnout later. No more. Good ideas can be relegated to a post it note until Monday, and clients/projects/appointments can be as well.

It’s really just a matter of finding the courage to stop and pay attention. There are so many little things I know I have overlooked or not savored enough in the past couple of years, and with the march of technology and ever-increasing business schedule, it’s going to take a strong commitment just to do that. But it can be done.

Hello, your life is calling. How can you stop and pay more attention?

Today I’m excited to feature a post from my friend Pamela Hernandez. Pamela owns Thrive Personal Fitness, and blogs regularly on all things health and fitness! I think that this post shines a light on the excuses so many of us make!

As a personal trainer my job is to teach people how to balance exercise, food and life. However, I have another job — chief excuse combater. I spend a good deal of time overcoming objections to living a healthy and fit life.

I’ve heard every excuse there is for not exercising or eating well. Recently, I decided to ask my Facebook pals to give me the excuses they hear the most often.  Here are the top excuses they hear from their friends (and my reasons why they don’t stand up).

1. I don’t have time. Really? How much time did you spend in front of the TV last night? How many naps last week? How many hours fighting illness last year? This is the number one excuse I hear and it is also the lamest. If you make something a priority you will find the time. I recently read an article about a woman with 5 kids (one with special needs) who has a full time job and is a student. And she’s training for a triathlon.  Don’t tell me you don’t have time.

2. It’s too expensive. How much money do you spend eating out each week? How much money do you spend on junk food? Tally it up and you will find plenty of money to spend on whole foods and some basic exercise equipment. Exercise does not require a gym. A stability ball, a couple of dumbbells and your own body will go a long way. Think of the expense in the long term too. Obesity costs you more in medical costs, clothing, and gas. Studies also show obese people get paid less.  It’s too expensive not being healthy and fit.

3. I need to lose some weight before I start exercising.  This one always surprises me.  Exercise is crucial to losing fat, which is really the weight we want to lose.  Starvation diets help you lose weight – muscle, water and a little fat.  To lose one pound a week, you must create a deficit of 3500 calories a week or 500 calories a day. If you increase your activity level and burn an additional 250 calories per day then you just need to reduce your intake by 250 calories a day.  That’s a change most people can make without feeling deprived or starved.

4. I was born this way; I’ll be fat no matter what I do.  But have you ever really tried? Have you ever given exercise and clean eating a real chance? Not a day or a week, but months to see how your body adapts and feels? I am not talking about fad diets, but real sustainable life changes. Genetics can certainly add a challenge but they are only a small part of the equation. Results come from doing the work.

5. We all have to die sometime. Yes, this is true. I have not figured out how to live forever nor am I sure I would want to. I do want to make the most of the time I have. I want to have the energy and health to live each day to the fullest. Obesity limits how you can live that life. It takes away your ability to do basic things like walk up stairs or ride an amusement park ride with your grandkids.  It’s hard to travel the world when you can’t walk or you’re tied to an oxygen tank. This excuse, to me, is based out of fear of what life could be.

If you’ve been putting off starting the journey to health and fitness for one of the reasons above, consider yourself warned. They don’t hold water and I won’t accept them from you or anyone else.

Pamela Hernandez is a Certified Personal Trainer and Lifestyle & Weight Management Coach. She owns Thrive Personal Fitness in Springfield MO where she focuses on weight training for weight loss.  She writes a blog for her web site, www.thrivepersonalfitness.com, sharing vegetarian recipes from her kitchen, exercise strategies, lifestyle tips and stories from her own journey. You can also follow Pamela on Twitter @ThriveFit or pick up more tips on Facebook, www.facebook.com/thrivepersonalfitness .

Guess what. The folks at NutraSweet have developed a new and improved neurotoxin called Neotame. Great, right?

According to Holisticmed.com, Neotame has similar structure to aspartame – except that, it appears to be even more toxic. Like aspartame, some of the concerns include gradual neurotoxic and immunotoxic damage from the combination of the formaldehyde metabolite (which is at extremely low doses) and the excitotoxic amino acid. Neotame is attractive to food manufacturers as its use greatly lowers the cost of production compared to using sugar or high fructose corn syrup (due to the lower quantities needed to achieve the same sweetening).

Neotame was approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for general use in July 2002, and has now been approved by the EU to become a classified E number (E961). Neotame also is approved for use in Australia and New Zealand. The strangest part? There is no labeling required for Neotame, and it is even included in USDA Certified Organic food. From what I read on FarmWars.info, the food labeling requirements that were required for aspartame have now been dropped for Neotame, and no one can clearly state why this was allowed to happen. As a result, Neotame has been ruled acceptable, and without being on the ingredients list, it could be in just about anything.

Neotame won’t only pop up in fast food or processed, grocery store foods, Neotame can also be found in your beef compliments of Sweetos (composed of Neotame), which is now being substituted for molasses in animal feed. According to a statement by the NuraSweet Company, “Sweetos is an economical substitute for molasses. Sweetos guarantees the masking of unpleasant tastes and odor and improves the palatability of feed. This product will be economical for farmers and manufacturers of cattle feed.”

So yep, you guessed it Neotame could be in your next burger or steak.

So Neotame is like aspartame. What exactly does that mean? Well, if you will read our earlier post on aspartame’s recent re-branding you will see among other things that – Aspartame is the most controversial food additive in history, and its approval for use in food was the most contested in FDA history. One of the key ingredients in aspartame is methanol, which besides being toxic is cumulative, converting to formaldehyde in the body. As a matter of fact, methanol, or wood alcohol is the very same thing that has blinded or killed so many skid-row alcoholics. See what that can of diet soda could cost you?

Just a few of the other key ingredients in aspartame are aspartic acid, and phenylalanine – which has been suggested that in high levels it actually lowers serotonin levels, and leads to emotional disorders. In also breaks down the seizure threshold, causing manic depression and panic attacks.

According to the Aspartame Consumer Safety Network Fact Sheet, in the laboratory aspartame has produced brain tumors, breast tumors, uterine tumors, pancreatic tumors, seizures and deaths. Aspartame has also reportedly led to suicidal depressions, panic attacks and anxiety, sleep disorders, mood disorders, brain chemical imbalances, and personality disorders. It has also been reported to exacerbate or trigger the onset of epilepsy, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia, and that’s just for starters.

What you put in your body is a CHOICE, remember that. And to completely protect yourself from aspartame, NutraSweet, Neotame, countless chemicals, additives, and otherwise badness, what you need to do is KNOW where your food comes from. Know your farmer. Period. If you don’t know a farmer, go to your local Farmer’s Market and introduce yourself to one. Five years ago I didn’t know a farmer, now I know a dozen, primarily from shopping, asking questions, and being truly interested in their processes.

We shop almost exclusively at the Farmer’s Market for a multitude of reasons –but bottom line it’s about the quality. I want to know WHERE my food comes from, and know that the food that I put on my tables is the best quality that it can possibly be.

Sometimes something comes along that forces us to shift our perspective. Sometimes that something is big, sometimes, not so much. Either way, the bottom line is that life and how we live it is simply a matter of perspective.

I woke up on Sunday morning thinking about this car that I want to buy. Now I don’t NEED this car exactly, I do have one that’s paid for and – bless its heart – still runs. However, the want and maybe if I stretch it a bit, the need to upgrade into something a bit newer, something with less miles, more features, better mileage…. well, you get the picture, if I can stretch the want far enough, I can almost make it a need.

And I’m good at that, the stretch. I needed a new couch a while back, a better coffee pot, and don’t even get me started on electronics or purses and shoes. I can be a very good consumer when I set my mind to it, and admit that sometimes these purchases make me more than a little happy.

Selfish? Shallow? Yeah, I get that. But I have a running joke with a colleague of mine, “boot week”, the perfect antidote for a week filled with appointments and high productivity. Nothing fends off burnout like a new pair of boots.

This is a pattern I think a lot of us can shift into, seeking solace in consumables. Heck, that’s the American way of life, right? I recognize it for what it is, and honestly get more than a little disgusted with myself when I realize I have once again gone there.

Just over a decade ago I had that perspective on “stuff” shifted for the first time. I was working as a journalist and was sent on assignment to report on the work of a relief organization in a third world country. I jumped on the assignment, not only because it was something to solidify my portfolio, but also by doing so I could maybe, just maybe buy leather furniture.

Selfish? Shallow? Oh yes. But I was all about it. Money, money, money…. oh and some opportunity too.

Guess what? After walking in the mud and muck for a week, sleeping two, maybe three hours at a time, carrying a beat up notepad and camera bag that got a little heavier every day, and fending off sunburn and bug bites, leather furniture was the furthest thing from my mind. In the people I was meeting and the situations I found myself in, I discovered a beauty in the situation I didn’t expect to see, and through these people I learned the true meaning of resilience and the beauty of the human experience.

Through a leper, who I have no doubt will remain the most incredible person I may meet in this lifetime, I learned about life, love, and faith. Though countless others, I learned about the importance of family. I learned about counting blessings, and shifting my gratitude from things to moments. The laugh of a child. A moment with a friend. The beauty of a sunset. A hot meal. A safe place to sleep. Those are the things that matter.

And life is just that, a series of moments, not a collection of things.

When I came home from that trip, I didn’t use the money I earned to buy furniture, I used it as seed money and rallied my community. With the help of a number of incredible people, I was able not only to raise awareness of the needs of so many of our distant brothers and sisters, but to build houses for several of them to call home. To provide a place for them to sleep that is safe, a place to hear their children laugh, to cook a meal, and to watch the sunset. Through my work I was able to help people have a place to call home.

Life changing stuff. And it’s something that held for many years. But guess what, over the past decade some of that American Way of Life has obviously crept back in. I have “boot weeks” again, wake up thinking of upgrading my car, and God help me, even recently considered a leather couch. It happens, when we shift from moments to things.

But then something happens to bring it all back into focus. For me, it was the fact that this week a tragedy struck, very, very close to home. One of the largest tornadoes in US history tore through the Southwest Missouri town of Joplin. As of this writing, 123 people have died, 750 have been injured, 1,500 people are still missing, and 8,000 structures have been damaged or destroyed. This is just 70 miles away from my home, and Joplin is home to many colleagues and friends.

The tragedy in Joplin, like my third world experience all those years ago, is shifting my perspective and refocusing my gratitude on what truly matters, and that is moments, not things. My friends in Joplin aren’t grateful that they salvaged their leather couch, they are grateful they are alive. They are grateful that they can hear the laugh of their child, and hold the ones they love. They are grateful for the moments that they do have, and not too concerned with the things that they don’t.

Where is your perspective today? Are you focused on moments, or are you focused on things? If it’s things, let me recommend shifting to moments, because it’s the moments that truly make life worth living. Take some time today to be grateful for what truly matters in your life.

There are SO many things to do, and so little time. Work, friends and family, children, spouse, social priorities, family priorities, professional responsibilities. Go, go, go, go, and more than likely, you spend your days looking at your to-do list instead of listening to your heart. Day planners, iPhones, Blackberries and the ability to always be reached – through email, cell phones and ever changing forms of wireless connectivity make the opportunities to listen to yourself and discern your needs or wants, much less have the time to do anything about them, a thing of the past.

And listen to your own thoughts – what a concept! The other day I was sitting in line at the bank and all the sudden thought, “I’m bored” and was checking my email and Facebook accounts before my car moved another inch. I could have, oh I don’t know…looked out the window, maybe even at the sky? I could have thought about something that would make me happy, instead of making sure I didn’t have new appointments or oh-so important items or events to add to my to-do list.

But did I do that? No. I did what millions of other people do every single day, I checked out on ME and checked back in to my to-do list.

Now let me say this, I am a big fan of the to-do list. Heck, without a list I would forget more than I remember and can’t even begin to fathom how completely disorganized and ineffective I would be. I’m also a big fan of my iPhone, I love having access to my email/calendar/contacts, you name it. I can make appointments, network, book workshops, make contacts, and return emails from anywhere at any time. But the problem with the list, and the continual connectivity is that some days, I forget where the list ends, and where I begin.

When I forget where I fit it, I wake up, drink coffee, and plug in to the day’s events through my phone or laptop while I’m on my first cup, hit the shower and boom, off and running. Where am I in all of that? What happened to waking up, thinking about the day ahead, having a conversation with my husband, maybe writing in my journal, or taking a walk before I jump headfirst into my day?

It’s in those moments of me-time that dreams are born. That’s where I am able to check in and see what I want for ME. But if the first thing I pick up in the morning is an electronic to-do list, where do I fit in? Yes, I’m a great doer of many things, but what about the things that need to be done just for me? Scheduling a massage I can do, turning off the phone and going antiquing or to the bookstore – occasionally. Making myself a priority each and every day? Easier said than done.

Learning to put a priority on yourself is something that our society has long taught against – you could be called cold, selfish or even worse. But in all actuality, you have to make yourself a priority, because if you can’t be good to yourself, how on earth can you be good for anyone else? If you haven’t been able to sit in the sunshine and read a book just for fun in months, if you are stretched too thin meeting the needs and wants of everyone else around you, if you are stressed, or mentally exhausted, how will you be an enjoyable date? A supportive friend or partner? A loving and present parent?

While you may have great caring and compassion for those you love, do you ever make yourself a priority?

If you do, good for you! Keep up the good work! If you don’t, it’s never too late to start. What you need to do is learn to listen to and respect your own feelings, desires and needs. What are your passions? Hobbies? Ways that you recharge? How much time do you allow yourself in those areas? Acting in your own best interests, isn’t a selfish act – it’s just a way to ensure that you’re making the very best of your life, and guess what, that puts you in a position to help those around you make the very best of theirs.

A wise man once said to me, “there are 24 hours in each day, aren’t you worth at least one of them?” And as continually work to make myself a priority, I ask you to do the same. Pencil yourself in on your to-do list, trust me, it’s worth it.

A smile confuses an approaching frown – Unknown

I had to run in to Wal-Mart the other day. Yes, I know, Wal-Mart bad, really bad. I get it, I know it, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I mean, where else could I get batteries, trash bags, a rake, orange juice, and a Green & Blacks in less than 10 minutes? My point isn’t that I went to Wal-Mart, it’s what happened while I was there.

Angry people, I mean r-e-a-l-l-y angry people were everywhere. Frowns, muttering, screaming kids, you name it, three aisles in and I was starting to feel a little edged out myself. I mean, the weather was really nasty, it was raining, cold, dark and dreary, but these people were ANGRY about a lot more than the weather.

A couple more aisles and I started thinking maybe, just maybe it was angry person discount day. Although I walked into the store feeling pretty happy, five aisles in, dodging carts pushed or driven by angry people, and I was more than edged, I was angry too. Victory! Angry person discount was mine!

Then something happened on the way to the trash bags.

A sweet little old lady looked up at me as I passed her by with my angry stride and smiled. Not just any smile, a really, really nice grandma kind of smile.

Damn. There went my angry person discount.

Her smile, in the midst of what had definitely turned into an chaotic shopping experience turned everything around.  Her smile made me feel…happy again. The same kind of happy that I felt when I got there, but even better, her smile made me feel happy AND hopeful. Hopeful that all people weren’t angry, all kids weren’t screaming, and all days weren’t raining, cold, dark and dreary. Before I knew what was happening, I smiled back. And then, she smiled even wider.

What a nice exchange we had right there between the toilet paper and the trash bags.

I was still smiling after I left the aisle and as I turned the corner to grab the orange juice, I bumped right into a scowling woman. I quickly apologized, and smiled. Guess what, she smiled back.

A smile is more than just a way to show the world you’re happy, it can also positively impact your health, and the health of the recipient. According to Positive Psychology News, when you smile at someone and they smile back, you are causing physiological changes within their bodies too. According to Dr. Mark Stibich, frequent smiling has many therapeutic and health benefits, smiling:

1. Boosts the immune system
2. Increases positive affect
3. Reduces stress
4. Lowers blood pressure
5. Enhances other people’s perception of you

So you know the old saying, “turn that frown upside down.” Well there’s something to that, a smile will not only lift your mood, it can also positively impact your health, and the health of those around you. Angry person discount be damned, I would rather smile any day.

There are so many dramatic situations playing out everywhere right now. The natural disasters, the political strife, the economy…the list goes on and on. Sometimes it’s all too much to look at, oftentimes, too much to bear.  You would think that that with all of the drama in the world that we can’t control, that we would pay more attention to what we can, but for many, that’s not the case.

If you are dealing with divorce, dissatisfaction with your job, disinterested teenagers, or any other disturbance, or if there is something not so good happening in your life, chances are you are attracting your foul weather friends. You know the type, you may not see them for months or even years but they are ALWAYS there when a crisis erupts, willing to suffer with you, even willing to suffer for you. These people will not only be outraged on your behalf, they will give you even more to get upset about, pointing out slights you might have missed, or deemed insignificant. These people THRIVE on drama and will rally to the cause wherever they feel they are needed. Don’t deny having these friends, or God help you, family members, because we ALL have them.

Years ago I read an article, I think in Rolling Stone, that used the phrase “condramist” to classify those who thrive on conflict and drama, and pointed out how when there is none to be found, they will in fact create it.

Create drama? Conflict? Really?

Yes. Really.

Think about it, things are going well in your work, relationship, parenting or any other major area, and you are feeling pretty good about life. That is, until you go to lunch with your friend Jane, or any other condramist in your circle of friends or family.

Jane doesn’t share your optimism, and smiling through it all actually starts picking it apart with phrases like, “I know you, I can’t believe you are okay with this,” or “really, you let her talk to you like that?” Little jabs that before lunch is over have you best case questioning your happiness, worst case, have you mad as hell.

And God help you should you do what friends do and blow off steam or complain, a condramist will pick up the tiniest ember of anger or discontent and fan that flame as fast as they can.

While you may have gone to lunch feeling pretty good, chances are, you don’t leave that way. But in all honesty, the only thing that changed during your condramist encounter is your perspective. And believe me, condramists are pros at that.

Life is a matter of perspective. Researchers have found that when you are in a state of gratitude or appreciation for your circumstances, you have increased problem-solving ability and mental focus. This in turn increases one of the brain’s primary contentment neurotransmitters, dopamine.  Positive thoughts not only rescue the body but also improve mental function, which then enhances brain biochemistry. Then brain biochemistry inspires positive thoughts and the whole process begins again.

It’s a matter of focusing on what’s working, instead of what isn’t.

It’s also about recognizing condramist behavior in others BEFORE you get drawn in.

Conflict can and does happen, and bottom line, what is needed when divorce, dissatisfaction with your job, disinterested teenagers or other disturbances get you down is not someone to fuel the fires or integrate themselves in your issues, what is needed is support. You need to surround yourselves with the friends and family that believe in you and that offer you solace, a safe place, and room to breathe. Seek out and cultivate the relationships that make it easier for you to enjoy in the good times and weather the not so good times. In that you have something priceless…in that you have a true friend.

I used to be a Monday dieter, meaning that no matter what I was eating Thursday, Friday, Saturday or even Sunday, I was going to start my diet on Monday, for real. And I told myself that same thing, over and over and over again. Once I moved away from Mondays, I became a “tomorrow” dieter. And guess what, not matter what I was eating, it was okay because “tomorrow” I was going to make a change, for real. And once again, I told myself that very same thing, over and over again.

That was a period in my life where depression was my closest companion, and I was focusing on the downside of not achieving my goals. As I wrote earlier this year, it’s important thing to remember that if we break the resolution or goal, it isn’t necessarily broken forever. It’s like any other change or improvement we make, a few false starts might be required. Don’t get depressed and start beating yourself up, instead think, “Whoops, I slipped, I need to try harder.”

Change happens when we seen an area in our lives we want to improve or excel in and we take the steps to do that. Take this blog for example. On January 1 I decided that I was going to make it an active part of my work and my practice, posting no less than three times each week. Guess what, January 3 my son was involved in an accident and my life shifted. Thankfully he’s made an almost full recovery, and thankfully we are all getting our lives back on track. And by getting my life back on track, I am able to re-examine my own personal New Year’s resolutions, forgive myself for not following through and try, try again.

Now I know that there were extenuating circumstances surrounding my not meeting the resolution I set for the blog, but I’ll be honest, I have spent a LOT of time this year waiting and hovering…I could have written a few pieces here and there. But I’m not going to focus on the fact that I didn’t, on the downside of breaking my resolution, instead I am going to focus on the fact that change can start TODAY.

If you are one of the many who have made New Year’s resolutions this year and are moving right along with them, kudos! Keep up the good work! If you are like me this year, one of the people who break your resolutions, remember, you’re not alone. As a matter of fact, 40% break them after one month, 50% after three months, 60% after six months, and 81% after twenty-four months. But remember, we can un-break them at anytime. As a matter of fact, we can un-break them today.

The first place to start is with forgiveness – forgive yourself for not following through, no ifs, ands, or buts about it, just let yourself off the hook. Secondly, pick up your journal (if you don’t have a journal, now is the perfect time to start one!). In the space of a paragraph or two, or even a page or two, look at your goal/resolution and reaffirm WHY you want to make this change. You can build momentum in this way, and get excited about tackling the task. And last but not least – START! You can do it! Change happens now!